Here are a couple of my favorite jokes

Q. Why can’t the police ever solve a redneck homicide?

A. Because there are no dental records and all the DNA is the same.

Q. Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

A. Mace will do that to you.

Q. Did you here about the Chinese couple who had a retarded baby?

A. They named him sum ting Wong.

Greg Giraldo, one of my favorite comedians of all time, died a few weeks ago. There are a lot of memorable lines from his routine that I think of all the time. And then the idea hit me that I could memorialize him by making some ringtones from albums.

I really wanted to use these for new text message alerts on my iPhone. But come to find out, those sounds aren’t customizable without jailbreaking your iphone. I’ve been staunchly against jailbreaking, until now. I’ll accept the limits on what apps can be installed, or on network usage. I understand the business reasons for that. But I can see no reason why Apple doesn’t allow users to install their own sounds for new text messages. There is no impact on the network whatsoever.

So until I decide to jailbreak, I’ll just be using these clips for instant message notifications on my Mac. But here are the sound files for anyone else who wants to bring a little Greg Giraldo into their daily life.

The following clips are from Midlife Vices.

• Yo, Monica!
  
• Hakuna Matata
  
• Snacks, sir?
  
• Michael Phelps: I Like Pillows